How to Let Go of Grief for a Lost Loved One?

Festive occasions are often a time of mixed emotions—some people are filled with joy, while others are overwhelmed by sorrow. For many who spend most of the year working far from home, Chinese New Year is a rare opportunity to reunite with family, share meals, and reconnect with friends. For others, however, these celebrations heightens the feelings of longing, especially for loved ones who have passed away. So, how do we let go of the grief that comes with losing someone we love?

“When faced with deep sorrow, we don’t have to let it dominate our lives endlessly. Instead of ignoring it or confronting it head-on, we can ‘solidify’ our grief,” says Mr. Fong Yee Leong, Xiao En’s Grief Counselling Consultant. He explained, “Sometimes, you may find yourself overwhelmed by sadness throughout the day, to the point where it disrupts your daily routine. Each of us plays multiple roles in life—whether as a spouse, parent, child, colleague, or friend. If you remain trapped in sorrow and depression, others may lose respect for you, and you may even become frustrated with yourself for not being able to move on.”

Before attempting to let go of sorrow, Mr. Fong encouraged us to ” solidify grief “. This involves pausing, observing, and listening – redirecting sorrow rather than ignoring it or being consumed by it. For example, engaging in activities that help ground you in the present can provide relief from the pain of the past.

Once you have developed the ability to solidify grief, Mr. Fong recommended moving on to the next step: ” Let the grief flow “. Grief often resurfaces unexpectedly. “For instance, during Mother’s or Father’s Day in May or June, you might see friends on social media sharing pictures of celebrations with their parents – dining out, giving gifts, or simply cherishing time together. These moments can inevitably trigger emotional memories. But it’s perfectly fine to let those feelings flow,” Mr. Fong explained.

He shared his own approach to allowing grief to flow. On occasions like Mother’s or Father’s Day, he dedicated an evening to reconnect with his late parents by writing letters or looking through old photographs. “It’s like having a phone call with them – asking how they’re doing and catching up on my life. Even though our loved ones may no longer be physically present, the connection between the living and the departed remains. By allowing grief to flow in these moments of connection, we can sustain that bond.”

The journey from solidifying grief to letting it flow – and ultimately transforming it – turns sorrow into love and remembrance. Life is unpredictable and the future is uncertain. What we hold dear today may not be ours tomorrow. Mr. Fong suggested that we embrace the impermanence of life as an approach that inspires us to live and cherish the present.

“When you develop the strength to appreciate life, you’ve already begun to transform your grief,” Mr. Fong noted. “For some, this transformation extends to loving others more deeply. Everyone’s timeline for processing grief is different – some may take 10 or even 20 years. But once you have learned to solidify, flow, and transform your sorrow, the question of whether you have truly let go becomes less important. It means you are ready to embrace a beautiful life. Grief didn’t defeat you; it has made you stronger and more resilient.”

Original article first appeared in《普门》杂志. [ Click Here ]

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