Family Care: Embracing Empathy, Becoming the “Middleman”

In an era when death was a taboo, no one would ever think to write a career which relevant to funeral industry in a primary school essay on “My Ambition.” Like most kid, Charles Chua, one of the ’90s generation, vividly remembers his own essay, where he imagined himself as a firefighter—brave, with a heart full of passion, dedicated to saving lives. Although he later chose a different path, he still holds that same resolve, viewing his career as one that upholds the spirit of helping others.

Charles is a Family Care Consultant. Since 2017, after graduating from UPM (University Putra Malaysia) with a degree in Human Development Science with Management, he seamlessly began his career just one month out of university. He joined Xiao En Group, taking up the responsibility of “creating meaningful connections” – serving as a Family Care Consultant on the frontline of funeral care. He has now served for seven years.

“ My friends were shocked. They asked, ‘ After all those years of schooling, why would you choose to work at a funeral company? ’ ”

Charles, a Seremban native, often passed by Xiao En Memorial Park on trips to Kuala Lumpur. To his young eyes, it appeared as a beautiful, green park, a place full of fun and imagination. It wasn’t until one day, when he noticed the lively crowds during Qing Ming Festival, that he realized it was a cemetery. Yet, he never felt an ounce of eeriness; instead, he naturally developed a calm acceptance of spaces associated with death. This marked his first warm connection with Xiao En – a bond rooted in understanding from a young age.

Facing the Taboos

“ When I saw that Xiao En was hiring, I applied right away after graduating. I didn’t worry about what others would think. Luckily, I have an open-minded family who didn’t oppose my choice and allowed me to pursue my career freely. ”

Perhaps his background in human development science instilled in Charles a sense of  “ human compassion.”  Unafraid and driven by a desire to learn, he took his place on the frontline, even if it meant dealing with death face-to-face. With courage much like the ideal firefighter he once envisioned, he overcame fears and societal taboos, knowing that his work, in some way, contributes to a blessed cause.

“ Funeral work was entirely new to me—both intriguing and challenging. But as I progressed, I realized that I could grow here in ways few others would. ”

Learning to Say Goodbye

This wasn’t Charles’s first encounter with loss: he had experienced the loss of an elderly family member. At the time, he simply followed the funeral customs, not fully understanding that grief needed room to flow. When his grandmother passed away, he later realized he hadn’t had a chance to say a proper goodbye, leaving him with a lingering sadness that he only recognized later in life.

“ Back then, there was no internet to find information, and no one taught us to cherish moments or say goodbye. When I became a Funeral Care Consultant and learned from my senior mentors, I discovered that we, as funeral directors, have the unique role of reminding families to cherish and bid farewell – to ease their regrets. That’s the beauty I see in this work. ”

As a beginner, Charles learned the nuances of caring for both the departed and the living through Xiao En’s five service levels of Life Practitioners in bereavement care. He found that empathy and a balanced understanding of life and death were essential for his role.

Embracing Empathy, Becoming the “Middleman”

“ In practice, I need to confirm the funeral details quickly to enable other teams to coordinate. But when possible, I give grieving families a little more time to process their emotions. Even if other parties pressuring, I won’t rush them. It’s my way of offering solace to those mourning. ”

The Family Care Consultant is often the first Life Practitioner that grieving families meet. They begin with listening, understanding the wishes of both the departed and their loved ones. With compassion, they offer various options, unbounded by status or wealth, encouraging families to freely choose the arrangement that feels right for them. In this way, each farewell is unique, with no set formula, reflecting the diverse paths we take in life.

“ I didn’t know before that funerals could be so diverse. I once organized a custom funeral where, after understanding about the deceased, I was asked to host the ceremony and encouraged attendees to share their memories. The room was filled with emotion, and seeing the family comforted was a moment of deep fulfillment for me. ”

Balancing Peace Between Life and Death

“ Of course, not all ceremonies go smoothly. Sometimes, I have to balance delicate situations. I remember a time when the family was in turmoil, nearly preventing the service from happening. I became the target of their frustration – absorbing all the grief they couldn’t yet process. If I had walked away, leaving the room empty except for the deceased and the coffin, it would have been an unthinkably painful scene for everyone. So, I stayed and, alongside my team, carried on with respect and reverence. That’s the duty and professionalism I believe in. ”